I know there are many people that might feel that when they meet me that my energy is strong with kindness and probably feel like I am full of love and romantic energy.
I plead totally guilty.
Here’s what that does NOT mean.
I don’t want to have sex with you. Wait. Checking body parts. Yep, I have one of those but I have a brain and more importantly I have a heart that is strong.
It does not mean I want to break you and your partner up so I can experience things with you. In fact, I am very happy that you have found the person you have and hope the world brings you all the joy you dream about.
It does not mean that I expect you to be my everything.
It does not mean that if I tell you I like you or your energy that I expect you to drop everything and join me.
It does not mean I am going to stalk you and take over your life.
I practice what is called “simply love.” It was a concept I learned in high school when I realized that while I wanted romance and maybe sex, it was more important to me to have a safe space to love and feel love without the pretext of needing to insert tab A into slot B.
I have practiced this my whole life.
My longest running friend is female and she and I love each other without limit. She wants the best for me, and I want the world for her.
I still love my high school prom date, and vice versa. She is happily married with twins and has always been there when I fall apart.
I have many many friends here that know I love them. From those in Minnesota and Florida to some of the Dommes I have met through the show, it means I want them to know I want to share space with them and will be there for them when and if they need me.
The best example of this is my Queen. If you read my writings, you will see many expressions of love towards her. She is my non-negotiable. She is my love. I love her like I love my family.
Now, while she is a beautiful woman, and is sexy as hell, we are what we call platonically romantic or romantically platonic. It means we will share a bed when we travel to see each other, but to sleep and cuddle. It means we will kiss but not swap spit (lol) but I think you can get the idea. It means we can tease and caress each other in beautiful ways, but not with the intention of getting me turned on. It means we can play in kinky ways and have the most amazing experiences that keep us coming back to each other.
Now here is the part few understand. She has a boyfriend. I am over the moon that she has found someone she cares for. Am I jealous? Not in the least. In fact, when they are together for a weekend or something, she even gets upset at me if I don’t check in, because I honor their time together.
Would I love to spend more time with her? Absolutely, but life happens, and even though we have seen each other seldom because of the way life has taken us, it doesn’t mean that our love for each other has not grown.
And is it possible for me to have more relationships like this and still love her. Hell, yes.
If you believe love is finite, you are cheating yourself.
Read that again. It does not say you should sleep around with everyone. It says that your love can be strong for more than one. Does that mean I am poly? Not especially. It does mean that I have room in my heart and in my time for many as they have the time for me.
What it does mean though is that I will be the one that is still here when life goes crash. I am here for the good times and the bad times. I am here to bask in the joy and dry off the tears.
And I will need that from you too.
So, why am I writing this now? There are a lot of reasons. There have been recent play partners that have looked into my eyes and probably felt I was falling head over heels in love with them. I feel deeply with my partners, but I also have compersion for them.
I don’t have envy that wants to take away what you have. I have the hope that someday I can have that feeling for myself, but 100 percent want to give you the energy of appreciation and affection with you knowing that you have your person and I appreciate you spending your time and space with me. It does not mean I want to take something that does not belong to me.
When you are approached by me or approach me at a party or a gathering and you think there is some agenda for me, there is. I want you to meet someone who appreciates your place in this beautiful world. I want to share the energy of friendship and getting to know you. It means that I find you fascinating and appreciate you coming into my life. I want you to see what kindness does.
It does not mean I expect you to be my solution.
I told a dear friend, I live on the energy of hope. I have lived through so many lonely days and nights that I think I may always end up that way. But, when there is hope… when I know there is something to look forward to, it means I can live in the present. It takes away the worry that exists that I have to get all I can out of something in the instant, because the possibility exists in the future… for friendship… for love… for a safe space… to just be.
One day, someone will see me differently, and want to be with me as I want to be with them and instead of wanting me as one of many, and create the space of allowing me to be the one at the end. It’s not my decision, it is theirs. To quote Coach Taylor… Clear Minds, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose.
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