I may never have the kink life that I see so many of my friends have, and that is okay. I see people I know posting nearly a new scene a day or a new rope scene they have been in or a new latex outfit or something that they are experiencing. It’s like looking at facebook and seeing all the lives you want to live.

The difference I have is that as a single, older kinkster, I don’t have a regular partner to do things with on a whim, everything has to be planned and arranged in advance. Living by myself means no one is going to suddenly want to tie me up because the energy moves them.

Again. It’s okay.

I am super fortunate to get to have experiences others can only dream about with some people who we all idolize and see as bigger than life. I have had to work for that and be the authentic person from the podcast.

So, when a party is happening soon, I usually will put out a post like I did yesterday:

It’s never to early to start. Who has openings on their dance card for a Damsel at the March 1 @Cincy_Sanctum gathering. I’ve been running around loose too long.

It is an open invitation for those who know me or find me interesting to contact me if they have time in their plans at the next party for me. There are a lot of reasons I do it, when, in actuality, I don’t usually get responses from them.

I’ll begin by saying that I have lots of friends who are in such demand that their evening is spoken for way before I even post. Most of the time, they have their partners there or have something planned with someone they see a lot.

Secondly, it shows people I want to be involved and never just says “play with me because I deserve it.” Instead it says, please think of me when you might want to try something that you and I would both enjoy. I am known to be the target for people learning how to flog, or someone who will be a sub for you in a scene and help you process it afterwards.

It also is a call for attention. Yes, I admit it. If I am not on your mind, and I can capture your thoughts for a moment, maybe that thought might be,”you know, Catsuit always seems like they really enjoy their scenes. I want to find out why.”

The invitations never come with expectations but are simply an opening to negotiation. When it turns into anticipation, it can put me in a beautiful place.

There are many who will tell you that playing with me was unexpectedly fun, because of my responses, noises and the fact that I am always totally present in the scene. Many of these people are not ones you would think would find me attractive to play with, but instead find an energy of attraction, appreciation, and love of what we do.Getting to teach my classes, do my podcast, and experience amazing scenes are all part of my being “Authentically Kinky.” When you think I have spent nearly 300 hours talking about kink and authenticity with people from all over the world, that I might have an appreciation for what makes this world so beautiful, and I would love to share that with people interested in exchanging that energy with me.

There will never be an invitation for sex afterwards. You will always be treated with respect. Your current relationships will always be honored. And my appreciation will be shared with you in unique ways that will help you feel special.

Will this post help me find a scene for the next Sanctum party? I hope so, but I am also realistic. However, if I keep working at it, I can develop a scene partner or group of scene partners that can become special and allow me to move forward without the doubt of every party where I might enter and ask, “I wonder if I will get to play tonight.”

Just a little trip into Catsuit’s brain and their thoughts on the world around me. I hope this post provides perspective and courage for others who find themselves like I do.

As always with love to all.