I had an amazing evening out with a trusted friend from the kink world. She was mentioning the difference in me from the person she met two years ago.
That person was a very timid, unsure, complicated, unfulfilled human. I never thought I would get to where I wanted to be. I never thought anyone would want to play with me. I spent all my time figuring out what was wrong with me.

I had just started my podcast, which apparently had become an inside joke with many people I called my friends. Each time I would mention it, they would scoff and act like it was all I could talk about. Kinda like “no one cares about your damn show.”

Something that was my one source of pride was making people think I was a joke.

I would ask people to play with me, with the energy of why in the hell would they want to play with me, leading to a load of sad nights and massive anxiety.

At some point, probably from my first trip to Fetishcon, I rediscovered myself. I was around family. I was next to people who understood me. I felt comfortable around who Catsuit was.

As soon as I came back home, the anxiety came back. Why could I not see the me that existed there.

What I discovered is that I didn’t need to change, but instead look at myself differently. I was seeing myself through the lens of others and not looking at the camera view of myself. That is the perspective of seeing myself the way I want others to see me.

Suddenly the podcast took off. People were discovering that playing with me was a joyous experience and began offering their talent to explore with me.

And at Fetishcon, I became someone people looked up to and respected. I was living my best kink life.

When I got back to Cincy, the confidence followed. The beauty of the Sanctum was so much better than the toxicity of some other spaces I had been to. The words of those who do not matter were proven to be contrived for their own agenda.

Then I went to KIC with my Queen and I discovered the joy of being around people who basked in the joy of togetherness. Inclusivity spoke volumes and being at the side of my Queen created the energy of a Proud Knight.

While scenes used to be nearly impossible to come by, people began to recognize me as one who appreciates, one who serves, one who honors and offers started coming my way.

When I presented my class at KIC earlier this month, the snow blew in over my car as I drove to the event, and with it, what I thought was Gods cruel joke was happening. The biggest night of my kink life was going to be snowed out.

I just looked at myself through that lens I talked about earlier and realized it would all be okay no matter how many people showed up. With my Queen by my side, I watched dozens of people come into the party. They wanted to be there to play. And when I started my class, nearly every seat was filled. I spoke my words and they were welcomed. There was a line waiting to sign my notebook as people asked me to sign theirs.

During the announcements, I was introduced to the lady who ran Twisted Tryst and discussed the situation that caused me to withdraw myself from their educators last year. “I am glad you got to see the class first hand,” I said. She smiled and we shook hands. The one thing that did not have closure that I cared about was finally closed.

People came up to me and told me their stories and said the class was exactly what they needed. One person in particular asked to speak with me. They had come close to ending their life mere days before. And she said that my class is helping her see herself in a better way. I cried hearing her words.

And as I played and talked to others during the party, it was one of the most beautiful nights ever. My Queen was so proud.

Our scene was simple. She tied me down and loved me. Simply loved me. A second scene with one of my original play partners was full of laughs, intense impact and joy.

I returned to Cincinnati through the snow. I was a changed human. And when I went to cocktails with my friend, I understood fully the change that had happened in me.

It wasn’t an evolution. It was a revolution.

Over the next few weeks, I have scenes I have only dreamed of before. I will attend a party with a new friend as their date, looking forward to serving them throughout the night.

My podcast became fully funded by the leading distributor of fetish content in the world. And the new name of the podcast created a new audience.

At the end of the month, I will be spending a week with two of my fetish idols and visiting with a group of fetish models and producers the likes of which I was merely a fan a few years ago. And I will be shooting fetish content with some of the legends of the business.

And in April, I will attend an event with my Queen for the first time. Side by side.

The Revolution of who I am will continue.

But I will always remain the kind Catsuit I have always been. Appreciating all. Honoring all. Loving all. Authentically Kinky.

And the journey continues. With love and thanks to all who have been and will be part of my journey. Thank you for every second.